There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
