I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
