i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
