I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize