the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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