He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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