Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
