I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
