so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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