I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Randomize
