Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
