he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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