My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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