i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
