First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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