I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I bet he comes in French.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
