tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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