we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
