How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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