Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
