If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
