maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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