I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
