His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Randomize
