I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
