He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
