do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
