Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
