Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Randomize
