the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
