did you get engaged???
I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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