My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Its about making memories worth repressing
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
