nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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