So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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