im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
