FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
