Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
