I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
She even gives head with a lisp.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
