The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
