I'm gonna have a badass scar
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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