I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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