There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize