im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Randomize
