It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
