He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
