I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
