I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
