3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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