I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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