You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Randomize
