Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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