I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Ketchup is God's man juice
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
