Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
