dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Is Oprah even human
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
