You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
