His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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