Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
