Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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