Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
And then my night got REAL pukey
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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