Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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