A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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