so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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