He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize