I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
