its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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