I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize